Love and Life in the Time of Corona

Nature sure has a funny way of making you grounded and insane all in the same breath. The world today is much different than the world was a few weeks ago even. There are those of u

s who are taking this to be a transformative period, to work on our selves whether physically or mentally, and hopefully both. I see people working out to the extreme, or taking up yoga or mediation even. There are those who are trastorned beyond belief and playing their anxieties like a well worn fiddle, letting the bills make them feel unworthy, unaccomplished, stressed out. Then there are those of us who simply take it with ease and reassurance somehow, yet internally we're a mess, not knowing to go left or right but simply making every effort to move forward instead of two spaces back. (I'm not actually any of these but a clustered amalgamation of all depending on the time of the day and amount of booze I've consumed.) I used to always warn "Don't walk through a cow pasture looking up at the stars". Now I've added "But be sure to look that damn cow in his big ass brown eye before you walk past."

There is a profound simplicity that comes with self isolating, shelter in place, quarantine, or any of the other catchy terms we are using today as part of our everyday new normal speech. A simplicity we lost or maybe just muddied up with everyday busy-ness, technologies, undue worries and social media chaos. This simplicity is not always welcomed with open arms and a sound outlook. But it's a time to reconnect with our family, long lost friends, with ourselves really and I think that may be the most important aspect, as trite as it may sound. But it's also a huge 180 for most of us. And that's sometimes more frightful than soothing. It might just be more terrifying than running out of toilet paper.

Sure I could take this time to (re)learn to play guitar, write love letters to my friends and family and probably revisit my creativity once so alive and most recently hidden very well by paperwork, undeserving preoccupations and time worn too short. But it's my greatest concern right now that we've all lost this innate naturalness, this presumptive comfort of being one with ourselves, alone and yet with others. Do we like who we are, who we've become? We are confronted with the reality that the "lives" we worked on 9 to 5 so hard, so diligently, to create are really not what we wanted at all. If that life was really suitable, really enjoyable, really our epitome of happiness would we not be fully content right now to actually LIVE them (despite the looming financial ruin apocalypse many of us are facing). I keep hearing complaints of having to stay home with the rowdy toddlers, the nerve-busting spouses, the alcohol-friendly college kids back home, the time, oh the time we now have to actually look at ourselves in our own mirrors. Not the mirrors held by others that simply reflect our persona, our facade, our exterior vibe-what we want them to see, but the ones we covered in makeup and instagram or facebook posts to hide the true, most gut-wrenching reality of who we are when we are not who we pretend to be. And guess what...our most clear mirrors may just be our family!

In the last few weeks of February I saw my business grow exponentially (woo hoo! I'm finally going to get my shit together!) and in the subsequent four days as we welcomed March, I saw it crumble to smithereens just...like...that (oh fuck! Now what do I do! I seriously just get dunked underwater every time I learn to tread!). I freaked, I panicked, I cried, I screamed (a lot), I googled every internet job I could possibly consider and then I breathed. And ultimately I saw my heart actually come to life. A heart I'd put to bed, a heart I'd hushed, ignored, maybe even beat down at times. I saw the me that I'd ignored or place neatly into a box onto the shelf of I'll get to later. No, I'm not delusional enough (not yet) to throw everything away and move to a distant island to live off the ocean and place my creaky body into tear-inducing yoga poses throughout the day. No, I haven't found God and decided to give my life to the Sisters of the Poor (although that was a dream in high school but a completely different post). No, I didn't swear myself to only thinking positive thoughts and shrouding myself in daisy chains and peace signs and the dank smell of burnt incense. Yes, I found a clue, a tiny little part of me that was always there screaming so loudly but muffled by everyday shite. Yes, I discovered what it was to sit by myself, to see myself, to hear myself not just talk to myself, to take each new step, both literal and philosophical, with a courage and lightness I'd never experienced before. There are certainly days where I've had my first glass of wine by 2pm and days where I've worked out for two hours straight because there's literally nothing else that would stop my mind from spinning. Lord help me, but I better have six pack abs and a fantastic ass after this!

The earth has been around for much longer than us as a species and my science brain looks at the current situation as follows: It is a transition, a rebirth for her, for earth, for life as she knows it, for life as we knew it. The earth has not survived this long by allowing one single species to overrun it, to decimate it, to deplete it of its resources, to kill it. Natural selection, population control, evolution, or maybe just acclimation. This event, this shift is natural, it is truly easily explained in terms of biodiversity, species development and evolutionary maintenance but again, another post. So let's think of it that way, it's bound to happen. Yes, much of it has been man made or caused. Because really what is man-MADE. Not much. Most of what we say is man-made is really just man-caused or the end result of man simply grouping different things already in existence together to create, so let's say man-caused. The real shift will be in how we function now and afterwards as a species. As individuals we should be able to adapt and alter our focus. This would then mean that we, as a species, transform into a different working society. Perhaps one with more compassion, one with more resilience, one with increased empathy, more awareness of self and others. This should be our hope at this point. It has to be.

The economy will return, it always does. Jobs will return, we will create them. Politics will continue to be petulant but they will make a comeback with new issues and unique platforms. Classes will resume, much to the chagrin of many a high schooler. Life will return to normalcy. But maybe we shouldn't want that "normalcy" in terms of everyday life...it might just be the most perfect time to completely reset, to create a better life, an improved enjoyment of the 70 or shorter (or longer) years we have on this earth. And I don't mean, revisit your 401k option. I mean to really start to live. Look at that person you love and tell them why you can at the exact same time allow your heart to flutter when they look at you with certain eyes and also cringe when they forget to unload the dishwasher. Tell your kid how much you see yourself in them...the good and the bad. Talk to your parents lovingly just like they did when you were sad when your goldfish died. Go out for a walk and really listen to the sounds around you...that's life. Right there, in front of your eyes, not your follower number, not the number of likes on the picture you just posted of your dinner. Listen to the way the wind sounds crashing through the trees breaking up between branches like a sweet melody that races through your veins, feel the way the grass settles between your open toes while being cold and wet under your heavy toes. Just sit there and BE for a minute. Listen to your children laugh and ask for the fifth grilled cheese of the day when it's only 1pm, laugh at how your significant other forgets to keep paying attention to you ten minutes into your drawn out story about how the next door neighbor didn't bring in their trash bins at the appropriate times, watch your dog or cat or lizard or bunny look at you with eyes that only a loyal animal could sway you with after doing something totally wrong in your house, just be...We’ve all forgotten how to just BE.

If you're lucky enough to be stuck in the house with the love of your life, your kids and four footed pet, soak it in...because as soon as this shit is over guess what? It's back to the everyday grind and you'll see them less and you might even miss them. If money is an issue, because it certainly is, no matter how rich you may have been prior to March 2020, take an hour everyday to plan for June, for May even! Find a new way to make your current line of work be profitable, come up with an avenue to profit from something you've always liked to do but never really attempted, the only time you may have is right NOW. This might be the only time you have...(to be read "that you are forced to") discover your hidden talents that were not predicated by degrees and rent/mortgage that can help you live a better life later...a happier one, a more "suitable" one that will make you excited to spend so much time in that exact life. Wake up early, make coffee, chug it if you have to because let me tell me when you see the clue you will have no other desire than to grab it by it's horns and look it in the damn eye! Be awakened.