To me, you might just be magic...

Talking with a friend the other day about relationships I came to the slow but alarmingly poignant realization that perhaps relationships are not meant to be understood. We all have them, we all start them, we all end them, we all regret some of them, we all remember almost all of them. But in terms of really understanding their inner workings I must say I don’t believe any of us have a clue.

It’s a meeting of the minds, it’s a collision of the hearts (or maybe just bodies) and it’s too much to expect any more then exactly what we are given. In essence, we are asking someone to accept all of us including our faults…faults that perhaps we have not even accepted in ourselves. And we them. And take it from me, if you find someone who can do that for you, hold on tight and never let go. We are programmed from an early age to believe in the magic of love whether it be fairy tales of a ridiculously impractical glass slipper, or a romantic comedy where the plain Jane gets the super charming and way too beautiful man and especially in many a memorized lyric to a love song. We eventually learn about the necessity of compromise, empathy and understanding. Sadly, the latter lesson is not always learned so easily. It’s a rough and sometimes painful education in humanity, in patience and in communication. But if both parties are willing, the relationship will be able.

I for one dive in, arms flailing wildly with a reckless abandon of all logic and a faint recollection of my past experiences that I carefully tuck away just under the surface. And contrary to popular belief or assumption I firmly believe this is the only manner in which to attempt to navigate the seas of love and life in general. Everything is temporary. Everything, at some point, will only exist in memories. Everything ends. Everything will only live in its current condition for today only. Because everything evolves. Love/like/sex/(insert any other nondescript word that can never perfectly describe whatever it is you've gotten yourself into) ebbs and flows, it tosses us around like a lone abandoned vessel in the dark at night and it can just as easily sway us from side to side to a place of peace and comfort. So isn’t it most beneficial to simply enjoy the ride without expectation or promise, and simply live it? I think so. No expectations, no preconceived notions, no ulterior motives.

We find ourselves clicking the "like" button, while inwardly smiling and cooing softly when we see a quip about an elderly couple who have been together for decades since colliding into each other as high school sweethearts. We secretly envy that love while at the same time question our own relationship choices. Everyone has a certain period of time in which they’re romantically linked to another human being. It could be a year, a month, a weekend or thirty seven years. Perhaps that elderly couple’s time was just meant to be longer or maybe they were simply better matched and eventually defied the time constraints placed on their love by that all too often devious mother of fate. Maybe they were in sync from the start and truly loved, a magical unconditional love that only exists when two people meet at the exact right time with the exact right space and time between them. Whichever the case may be, it’s not very common nowadays so I’ve resigned myself to the belief that these periods of time will, in fact, be brief, they will not be forever, and as such we should certainly feel this magic to its core and with every ounce of our being...just in case. In case one day it’s gone, in case maybe one day we realize it wouldn’t have to be a memory if only we’d shared that magical tingle in our bones with our counterpart. Just in case. And this doesn’t mean just fall blindly in love with the idea of it all. It certainly doesn’t mean to leave the rest of your world behind and unwittingly become someone new without all the beautiful scars and medals of your past. It simply means to give it a shot without fear of the likely and inevitable end to the magic. Only then can will you move past the illusion of the magic and stumble into the prestige of the magic trick itself. Because really it is not forever, so why worry about when it will end. This worry will do nothing but cloud your enjoyment of the now.

And then there's that dastardly little recollection of your past. The one you tucked away on the back shelf labeled "Do not open". Yes, that one. We all have one, or several. It looms quietly at first and then as we grow closer it pushes itself forward, drops off the shelf and pours its contents out all over this magic and well, drowns it out and might even ruin it. Our past relationships and the damage they may or may not have caused us will always be there, but it's really up to us to control how it affects or doesn't affect our current abracadabra. Maybe it's self preservation, maybe it's self avoidance, maybe it's both plus a little trepidation at its core. None of us are void of this past, this damage, the chinks in our armor. But we all know it's exceedingly difficult to ignore them forever. So perhaps your best bet is to face them head on. Everything is temporary after all.